1. Please help keep the campsite clean and tidy. My human had all campers out of their beds by ringing human Wilfrids ARP bell. It was so funny to see bleary eyed campers lined up outside tents and caravans in their PJs as my human inspected their camping area and gave them lists of things they could do better or tidy up.
2. Please leave 6 metres between each camping unit. To see each camper have to move their tent or caravan to exactly 6 metres from the next as my human measured, directed and ordered with his metal tape flying around his ankles. Guy ropes, tent pegs and poles were jumbled into monstrous messes as each camper pulled and tugged their equipment to the exact spot my human had marked on the grass. Fights broke out, camper vans ran over camping equipment and caravans became jack knived! Like some frenzied conducter my humane flayed his arms and orchestrated an unholy chaos that almost took on a ballet like performance as it progressed. As an onlooker this was side splitting, no wonder I leaked. Of course this left a huge camping field rather empty with a large ghetto of campers crowded into one corner.
3. Dogs must be kept tied up on the campsite. To watch my human chasing after campers dogs with yards of rope and wresting them to the ground as their four legs kicked and thrashed as he tried to bind them to the already pile of wriggling canine shapes of all sizes was one of the funniest moments of the campsite manager experience.
4. No ball games on site. There was a lot of crying kids, burst balls and angry parents, but still my human persevered to take balls off screaming kids. My human fought on even with bloody nose and black eyes provided to him by protesting parents, good job I have a first aid kit.
5. Please protect our grass when moving in wet weather. Of course it rained! My human sat in my captains chair which swivels and clandestinely monitored the movements of all campers. Any camper stepping out with shoes, wellies or sandles on were pounced upon and the offending articles removed. There was much hopping and Ohing as campers trod on sharp objects as they walked barefootedly across the site and without the aid of grippy soles much skidding and slipping went on. I feel certain more damage was done to the grass than if my human had left all alone.
6. Please respect other campers and don't act anti sociably especially late at night. Solution!
A 9 o'clock curfew. Enforced by my human sneaking sleeping pill tablets into all campers water supplies and playing restful music, loudly through my stero system. Upside of this a peaceful night even if filled with the slumbering chorus of snorers.
We left before the camp owner returned but I bet my human is not asked to help out again.
